Now and Forever

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Sitting there holding you tight
I knew possibly for the last night
Looking at you and you in return

In my hands breathing your last with closing eyes
I never got a chance to say my goodbyes
The reality begins sinking in

I hold your empty shell
Thinking how you turned upside down my hell
You helped me get through so much

When I needed someone you were there
Listening when I needed someone who would care
I am so happy I got to share those eight years with you

For Eternity I will know
Your songs in my heart will never die
Now and forever, my little Cutie Pie

(used some diff downloaded brushes for a lot of the effects)
Commence spilling my guts:
On May 15 about 1:30 am Cutie Pie left. I woke up to him screaming and rolling around on the bottom of the cage. He stopped and was breathing hard, so I picked him up in my hands and started talking to him so he’d calm down from I don’t know what (also trying to calm myself down from being awoken by screaming) We looked at each other for a long while before eyelids slowly covered his dimming eyes. I called his name a few times before it hit me. The tears just wouldn’t stop. I went on for that for hours continuing to talk to him and asking him not to leave me alone but then I thought that I should be happy for him. I mean now he gets to see his old friends from when he was little and fly alongside them again. I gave him one final hug and kiss atop his head and put him into an empty tissue box. I kept thinking to myself that I’ve got to get him buried so I didn’t have to see him when death starts to reflect itself on his little body. At the first sign of dawn I went out to the backyard and gave him back to the earth.
No matter what I always had him there and just thinking about him put the biggest smile on my face. Now that I can’t see him anymore it just feels like a huge hole was blown out of my life. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I had a rough time back in some of seventh, all of eighth, and some of ninth grade(until I met someone but he just turned out to be a huge ass hole) Then things were a lot smoother until my sophomore year, then those around me started changing(mostly for the worst) into people I didn’t even know anymore. It just became harder and harder to talk to them and eventually I just started keeping my mouth, almost always, shut. It probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do but what else could I have done? I couldn’t talk to them about my problems. They would just say oh well that’s not good type of response and carry on with their lives. That’s why Cutie Pie was the most important thing in my life. He’d listen, even if he didn’t talk back, and always try to make me feel better( He’d always move closer to me if he was sitting on my shoulder and try to preen my hair and face, which I always thought was so cute )
I guess I knew it was coming though. I seemed that ever since his 8th birthday on Feb 20, he didn’t seem to feel very good. Eventually all he wanted to do was sleep and he was always fluffed up. He’d have his same little personality though, but he couldn’t fly for very long and he’d get winded fast. For about the 3 weeks before he left, I woke up to him acting scared and flying around his cage. Eventually he didn’t want to even go in it to sleep. He wanted to sit on my shoulder more and more often. One night I let him stay while I drew on the computer and I looked over to see that he had his little head back and was fast asleep. I thought it was strange (but adorable) because he usually didn’t fall asleep on my shoulder. But that last night I remember giving him the biggest hug (you could possibly give a bird XD) before putting him to “roost” (which for some reason I felt like I just had to do)and now I know I’m glad I did it.
I always thought it was my want to do art to keep me going forward but now that I look back it was always knowing Cutie Pie was there. Even though I cannot see him I know he’s still there and I can still talk to him. I still tell him goodnight, good morning (I’m yet to start little conversations with him though) even if it’s in a different way
I Luv you, my little Currentpervade